I have been raised in a nuclear family maybe that is why I was always intrigued by the sight of my friends/schoolmates with their grandparents. I craved for the unconditional love and affection the grandparents had for the kids. I also observed that they never said no to a single thing their grandkids asked for, always falling for their demands without giving it a second thought and the kids too never wanted to leave the side of their grandparent. It all looked so enticing to me at that time and I badly missed my grandparents being around.
Well that was my childhood, now let me take you to the present day. I have a son who is surrounded by my loving parents and in-laws. And all that what I so badly missed, my son is showered with those blessings and unquestioning love. He has his both set of grandparents who love to spoil my child with not only love but a lot of other materialistic things. Now who doesn’t want their child to be loved by more and more people but when I used the word “spoil” I can literally see them spoiling him in so many ways.
Watch Out For Your Child Developing These Behaviors
While observing my child’s behavioural pattern around his grandparents I also noticed other kids who lived with their grandparents as well as the ones who lived with their parents only. There were evident differences.
- Ignoring their parents – The biggest I noticed is the denial of the presence of their parents in case of the kids with grandparents. Most of the times the grandparents unknowingly shrug off the parents in presence of their child to show off the affection. If this happens frequently the child imitates the same behaviour with his parents.
- Stubbornness – I believe, to balance it out there should be someone to pamper the child when the other person plays strict for a good reason and vice-versa too. But ignoring their mischiefs each time is almost like encouraging them. And this is what mostly grandparents do which results in making the child stubborn.
- No better judgement of right and wrong – whatever you do is always right or has been declared right, would you ever be able to know what was right and what was wrong. Have you noticed your parents making everything look right to your kid? Not to go far, my mom loves it when my child calls me by my name, well to her rescue it sounds cute to her. But does it look cute when an elder calls her mom by her name?? No, Right?
- Refuses to put in an effort for anything – Imagine everything what you wish for is at your disposal, all you have to do is just ask for it. Would you still prefer to go out and work hard? No, who would do that right? Since my son has been grown up to be so smart to understand his favourite Bollywood song I tried to deal in barter to him. Like asking him to finish the food first in return of giving him my phone or asking him to not play in mud in return of letting him play with food. You would have guessed by now what would have happened to my clever idea. He very well knows now who he needs in such cases, exactly, his grand-parents. So basically he refuses to put in any effort and just uses his grandparents to his rescue.
These might sound all very easy to deal with issues with a baby. A hundred excuses come on your way like “who would do mischiefs if not him”, “it’s his age, let him do what he wants”, “he is just a little child he doesn’t know what is right or wrong”, and “it will all be ok when he grows up”. Well yes that is all true, but there is a good reason why it is said that “Children are like a plain slate, and whatever you write there it is engraved for forever”.
Activities to Boost Your Child’s Developmental SkillsPlease select the age group of your child
No one can deny the fact that having an elderly person around, while raising a child comes as a big help to the parents. Their experience comes handy at the most crucial times. There are countless perks of a big family, a few of them which I experienced in case of my son is that he is mostly happy throughout the day, he is never bored, learns things quickly and loved beyond his parents capabilities . I am not at all against living with the grandparents but only concerned about the future self of my child.
How To Handle This Considering The Sensitivities Involved
While I hope it turns out as they say “It will all be ok when he grows up”, here are a few tips on how you can deal with this issue:-
1. Discuss the issue with Grandparents – Like any other complicated issue, talking is the key to this as well. If the grandparents don’t understand once, don’t get disheartened, Try again, do your research, collect proofs, read articles. Try explaining the consequences, your concerns. Even if you can convince one of them, half battle is won. They will help you out with others.
2. Talk to your kid – I have experienced how magically is talking to your kid at an early age works. They have their undivided attention to you, they trust you and all what they see and hear has an impact on them. So either read them the stories of kindness and gratitude or use real life examples to make them understand your message.
3. Enroll your kid to a playgroup – Surrounding your child with other kids of similar age will surely help you. Apart from that, being in an administered place teaches them discipline, adjustment and many other necessary manners. Do let me know your opinion in the comments below. Or share if you have noticed something significant to this or dealt with the same in real life.
About The Author – Akanksha Singh
Akanksha Singh is an IT professional turned blogger and a stay at home mother. She is currently living in Allahabad and blogs about her views on social issues and her experiences as a parent. Follow her on Instagram at https://Instagram.com/mominprocess