Each parent wants to raise a child who is much appreciated and loved by everyone. No parent would ever want to raise a spoiled kid. But sometimes the parental desire to give their children the best to make their lives comfortable and secure may cause results that aren’t in line with their original parenting plan.
Child psychologists have been working on this issue since a long time. They call it the “Spoiled Child Syndrome”. This is characterized by certain patterns of a child’s behaviour.
In this article we have written down some of the signs of this syndrome and their solution.
- The child is polite with other people but they don’t say “Thank You” to you.
The child shows good manners towards and with other people but does not express gratitude to family members. It may be a sign that the child is spoiled. Sometimes children do forget to say ‘thank you’ not intentionally or because they want to hurt somebody, but just because they sincerely take everything their family does for them for granted.
Psychologists believe that such behaviour can cause problems with building interpersonal relationships in the future because parents haven’t taught the child to be grateful to those closest and dearest to them.
SOLUTION: Ask your child to say ‘thank you’ whenever they receive something. They must learn to thank others regardless of who the person is. Similarly, your child must learn and remember to say “please” and “sorry” to whomsoever it may concern, even if they are saying it to their family members.
2. The child can’t deal with simple household chores.
Any responsible parent would help their child become independent. At the age of 3, children can pick up their toys; at 5, they can help with small chores; by 10, they can peel potatoes and help to lay out the dinner table. If all attempts to engage the child in household chores fail because the child didn’t want to or can not or is not eager to learn how to do something and parents are okay with this, then your child is on the path of becoming a spoiled child.
If the child doesn’t have responsibilities, how can they deal with adult life? In the end, parents deprive their children of essential skills and life hacks that will be useful in life.
SOLUTION: Take and give method works a long way. You should ask your child to help you with the little things they are capable of. For example, making their bed, keeping their clothes back on the shelf, keeping their shoes on the rack, putting their clothes for washing, setting up the dinner table, dusting, etc. If they refuse to do so, take something away from them. For example, cut down their play time, increase their study time, cut down their gadget time, etc.
3. The child doesn’t get along with peers and is sure that they behave in a wrong way.
When communicating to other children, a spoiled child is not aware that they can’t just receive things from others without giving something in return. The inability to take the needs of others into consideration and a lack of empathy make their peers not want to hang out with them. So the child starts to feel uncomfortable and can not explain what’s wrong and blame others because they behaved “wrong”.
If peers distance themselves from a child and children of the family’s friends try to find an excuse to skip playtime with then, it’s probably time to figure out what’s going wrong.
SOLUTION: Teach your child to share things. Ask them to give something in return when they take a toy from a fellow mate. Tell them to ask their peers before taking anything and to request if they want something and not snatch off anything.
Activities to Boost Your Child’s Developmental SkillsPlease select the age group of your child
4. The child often throws tantrums when they don’t get what they want.
Parents should not diminish this obvious sign. Everyone knows this behaviour and recognizes it as a spoiled child’s behaviour. Toddlers often do not know how to express their emotions and can not deal with them. This results in getting tired easily, which is why they end up crying easily, whine, act resentful, get on the floor, and throw a tantrum. But that is fine, because they just need some help and reassurance.
If the child has reached school age but still acts like a baby, choosing the right time to burst into tears, they are certainly manipulating their parents. Remember that if after a confrontation the parents feel empty and exhausted but the child gets what they wanted and looks happy, something is definitely wrong.
SOLUTION: Try to calm down your child. Ask them to listen to you first. Tell them the reason why you denied purchasing something specific for them, explain why did you say ‘no’ to something they wanted. If you can and you do want to give them that particular thing later on then make them achieve a task in order to get that gift/ toy as a reward. For example, give them a simple task, like, if you make your bed everyday without me reminding you, I will purchase that gift; or, if you behave well with others and help me with household chores, I will get you that toy. And make sure you stick to your words, else your child will throw another tantrum.
5. The child doesn’t like activities that involve competition.
Psychologists made us believe that we should raise our children as champions and that every child should get to be rewarded as not to be traumatized. Parents should teach the child an important lesson that we all lose from time to time, so there is nothing to be ashamed of and the child should accept it with dignity.
Parents often go easy on spoiled children and don’t teach them to enjoy the competition. So when the child realizes that in real life they aren’t always the best, they prefer to refuse to participate in any competition.
SOLUTION: Help your child to understand that a competition is with oneself and not with others. One should work hard in order to be better than themselves. When in a team, they should work hard together and do their best. The games should be enjoyed, then only can it be won. If there is no fun in the competition and one treats it like a win or lose match, then their minds are affected and they take a step back. Parents should encourage to keep on working hard and enjoy what they are doing.
6. The child talks to their parents like they do their peers, and it has nothing to do with “being friends” with them.
Let’s face it. If a child is spoiled, it’s not their fault, it is their parents’. They have failed to set boundaries, make strict rules, and didn’t give any direction in life. As a result, the child does not feel parental authority. They believe that they have the same place in a family hierarchy (or even higher) as their parents so they can act in a disrespectful and presumptuous manner.
SOLUTION: Set some ground rules for your child, set boundaries, and show them the path to a better life. Make time tables for them that is easy to stick to or create planners for them to get them organized. You must show authority. Tell them what is good and bad. Deal with them in a ‘reward and punishment’ method. You need not punish them but have a system of give and take. For example, if they achieved a simple goal, reward them with a chocolate, or some extra time with their friends. If they do not listen to you or disobey you in any manner, punish them by cutting down their play time, their TV time or by increasing their study period.
In the above mentioned six points, you learnt which all signs depicts that your child is on the path of becoming a spoiled child. We also mentioned the solution to each behaviour. Helping your child during their developmental years is very important as they grasp everything that is in front of them. The display of your behaviour, your usage of words, your reactions, your control, etc, is being watched and copied by your child. You are their role model. In order to see them as a better person, you must observe yourself as well.
Of course, what can be easier than giving advice on how to bring up other people’s kids? But sometimes it’s essential to get a second impartial opinion.
Researched and compiled by Xplorabox staff
About the Author – Raveena Nijjar
Raveena Nijjar is born and brought up in Delhi. She studied in the USA as a child. Ms Nijjar is well known as Miss Multitalented. She loves to write and can write on any given topic. Additionally, she loves to travel and is popularly known by the nickname RV. She can’t go a day without completing her diary/ journal entry.